Friday, September 24, 2010

Okay I'm just going to say it

I don't have a good feeling about this pregnancy. And that scares me. A lot.

When I was in my first trimester with Hannah, I was nervous about miscarrying for the first couple weeks after finding out. But by week 7 I started getting so sick that I was just focusing on not throwing up all day long. Plus the obvious pregnancy symptoms helps reassure me that things were coming along as they should. Even when the nurse couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler at the 12 week appointment, I still knew everything was fine. And as the ultrasound indicated, everything was.

This time I just don't have that "all is well" feeling. My symptoms are way less this time around. I have had a couple bouts of nausea and some food aversion, but that's it. I'm 9 weeks today. And I just don't feel as confident. Maybe it's because I know so many women who miscarried on second pregnancies and with joining mommy message boards I've been exposed to so many miscarriage stories. I'm hoping it's just those getting in my head and not my body's way of telling me something.

I guess all I can say is that if April comes around and I'm holding a beautiful baby boy or girl, I will be elated. So joyful and blessed. But if this pregnancy ends, I will grieve and mourn but know that I had that feeling all along...

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