Okay I'm just going to say it

I don't have a good feeling about this pregnancy. And that scares me. A lot.

When I was in my first trimester with Hannah, I was nervous about miscarrying for the first couple weeks after finding out. But by week 7 I started getting so sick that I was just focusing on not throwing up all day long. Plus the obvious pregnancy symptoms helps reassure me that things were coming along as they should. Even when the nurse couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler at the 12 week appointment, I still knew everything was fine. And as the ultrasound indicated, everything was.

This time I just don't have that "all is well" feeling. My symptoms are way less this time around. I have had a couple bouts of nausea and some food aversion, but that's it. I'm 9 weeks today. And I just don't feel as confident. Maybe it's because I know so many women who miscarried on second pregnancies and with joining mommy message boards I've been exposed to so many miscarriage stories. I'm hoping it's just those getting in my head and not my body's way of telling me something.

I guess all I can say is that if April comes around and I'm holding a beautiful baby boy or girl, I will be elated. So joyful and blessed. But if this pregnancy ends, I will grieve and mourn but know that I had that feeling all along...

It's that weird time

That time in pregnancy when you're expecting the all-day, soul-crushing nausea to rear its ugly head. I am about 6.5 weeks along, and last time the sickness came in full force at 7 weeks. I was invited by MIL to go up to her cottage this weekend with Hannah, but I'm not sure I'll be going. I'm already starting to feel kind of blah, and I REALLY don't want to be sick the whole weekend in an unfamiliar house. We'll see.

School started today, and it went really well. We only have 6 kids, but I'm really hoping more sign up. I'm starting to get frustrated with our frequent low numbers. I don't know if it's because we're only half days, our classroom is small, we don't market it well, or what. At least I get paid the same regardless of number of kids!

Hannah is doing awesome. She likes to wear my glasses:

Today is the first day

of our new budget system.

We have our expected expenses listed out. We've got the envelopes and spots for our receipts. We are ready to have a greater understanding of where our money is going.

Instead of getting our credit card statements and saying "What?!? How did we spend over $1000 this month?!"

I really, really hope it goes well. This is basically a trial run to see how it works. We can always tweak if needed. We're watching this series from Life Church called "Mind Your Own Business" that's all about financial responsibility. It's helping us stay focused and motivated.

In other news, Hannah is adorable. Seriously, she talks in jargon and it is hilarious! I can't believe how much I am enjoying this young toddler phase. She's so sweet and wants to read books all day long.

I feel like I have been 5 weeks pregnant forever. I don't know how things are dragging so soon into this, but I hope that changes soon.

Ouch

I got stung by a bee today at work. My first ever bee sting, and it was right on my neck! I didn't realize the bee was on me, and I touched my neck. He apparently didn't like that. With ice, the swelling is low but it still stings a bit.

As for good news, I have my first appointment set! It's on Thursday September 9th. I'll be almost 7 weeks along. It's really just a chat with the nurse practitioner, blood work, etc, but it's something! It's still so early that it doesn't really feel "real" yet.

Guess what I got this morning?

A positive pregnancy test!!!

We are due April 29, 2011.

We are praying for a healthy pregnancy and for the ability to keep it a secret for now. We don't plan to let people in real life know for several more weeks.